This morning I heard Laura Story’s song: Blessings for the 1,000th time. I have always loved that song but never has it spoke to me as it did this morning… I decided it was time I share my heart and this song is the perfect way to do it.


We pray for blessings…

We prayed for our 4th child to be whoever God had chosen for us. We knew God had called us to adopt. God laid China on our heart. We prayed that God would bring her in His timing. We found our Lucy, the process was long and we had to be patient and wait and wait and wait… We had to hear new medical info that was hard to take in about our sweet Lucy…
Lucy was only 14lbs at 18 months old and she was sick…
I couldn’t get to China fast enough…
and finally she was put into my arms on June 23 and we brought her home on July 4, 2013 into her FOREVER family!!

Blessings.


We pray for peace…

We knew Lucy was sick and needed heart surgery that couldn’t be put off for much longer. She had open heart surgery on August 29, 2013. Her heart was fixed. The surgery was text book. Her body could now begin the healing and growing process.

Peace.


Comfort for family, protection while we sleep.

We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your Mighty Hand to ease our sufferings…

Lucy had suffered the first 18 months of her life from being abandoned, being malnourished, being so neglected, and not ever knowing the love of a family. She had suffered from a heart that was failing, kidneys that didn’t want to work properly, a droopy eyelid causing poor and limited vision, a subdural hematoma… (and we didn’t know it then but had hip dysplasia that would have to be corrected by big surgery)
She had suffered great, but God had not only stated healing her body, He was healing her heart, body, soul and spirit… her sufferings were becoming less and less… Our Great Healer had started His work…

He heals and eases our sufferings.


All the while, you hear each spoken need, Yet love us way to much to give us lesser things…

God was working day by day in Lucy’s body, mind, and heart to bring her healing. She was growing, flourishing, developing. She was such a miracle. She was our miracle sent to us. Not only was God working in her life, but had been working in Chad and my heart during this whole process. Our hearts and lives were changed for forever and we saw God work miracles through our adoption process to Lucy. He provided every single dime for the adoption when we did not know when or how the money would come. He took us step by step through each set of paperwork and update. He showed us that waiting on His timing is hard but so very worth it. His timing is better than anything we could have ever orchestrated. He lead us and we followed. It was not easy, but I watched Him put together every detail of Lucy’s entire adoption and it was incredible. The love and support from our sweet 3 biological children who couldn’t wait for Lucy to get home, from our family, from our church & community, the new friendships that I’ve gained through the process (my super, amazing, awesome China Mommies, my chandelier), and the way that bringing Lucy home has made our family so much closer…

He loves us WAY to much to give us lesser things.


What if your blessings come in raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

Bringing an adopted child home is one of the greatest blessings of this life, truly, but it does seem like those blessings come in raindrops some days. The first few months home were wonderful and hard, exciting and exhausting, full of joy and full of grief. Lucy had lost all she had ever known, but was gaining the love of a family and that is something she had never known before. From her perspective, she did not know what love was or meant or what it looked like and was learning every day. It was hard to see her push us away. It was hard to see her orphan habits because that was her comfort zone. She would violently shake her head back and forth, she would grind her teeth, she would chew on her tongue and she would take her fist and hit her chin repeatedly until she was soothed. Getting her to let Chad and I soothe her took time and work. Those blessings that were coming came in the form of raindrops, tears and sleepless nights. I had experienced sleepless newborn nights with my other 3 and knew what those were like, but I had never experienced sleepless nights with an orphan who was learning to receive and give love. It was hard, but after weeks of thinking that she was not going to ever let us in, she slowly started trusting and letting us into her heart. She started by letting us hold her longer or rub her face. She would cackle and belly laugh when Chad would give her lots of kisses and tickle her. Her infectious smile came and stayed. Even though this past year has seemed like one doctor appointment after another, Lucy is thriving. Even though some days I can’t see through the rain because Lucy still has nights where sleep doesn’t seem to be on the agenda and being a stay at home mom of 4, homeschooling, wife to an amazing husband, running Lucy to numerous appointments, and running a business out of my home has clouded my view… 

I know that…
His blessings and healing can come through raindrops, tears and lots of sleepless nights.


What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise? 

Trials. I would say trials are equal to the word: HARD. 

James 1:2 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

We have been through so much this past year. Trials are tests. Tests to see how well we perform. Tests to see what qualities shine through as you are pressed from every side. Trials require so much and require a person to push and not give up. Ever. This past year has been one of the greatest, hardest, amazing, difficult, rewarding, and exhausting years of our life. Trials is the perfect word to describe it in the least… 
We have experienced and still are going through them. When Chad opened up the lawn equipment and service store 4 years ago, we had no idea what owning and operating your own retail store was like. We do now. Dealing with trials from the store this past year, along with Lucy and all the different trials/tests/surgeries/waiting/ups and downs we have been through with her… It does not seem like there are any mercies in disguise. If they are there, they are hiding very well. Mercy is described as something that gives evidence of divine favor. But if He said that He pours His mercy on His people, I believe it, just some days I’m wondering where that mercy is hiding. 

Psalm 6:9 says, “The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.”

I know His mercies are there and I know He has given them. I pray that my eyes are open and I don’t miss them with my blind humanness. I know He had mercy upon us while we were in China. I know He has given us mercy through each surgery Lucy has undergone. I know He gives new mercies each morning by giving us another day to wake up to. I know His mercy has been like a banner over our family, because even when my eyes can’t see it, my heart can feel it and know its there. I pray that I see the mercies even when they seem to be hiding among the trials. 

His mercies come through trials. 


We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near. We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love. As if every promise from Your Word is not enough.

This is the part of the song where it hits my heart the most. 
You would think that Lucy having reconstructive hip surgery and reconstructive thumb surgery and it being a 7 hour surgery was hard on this momma’s heart…
You would think that seeing her go into SVT (Supraventricular tachycardia) 24 hours after her surgery and being put in the PICU for a longer hospital stay than originally anticipated was hard…
You would think that dealing with her in a big Spica cast and arm cast on a daily basis was hard. She gets so hot, sweats, has to wear two diapers at once and is only happy for short time periods and then is ready to change positions or move to a new location. You would think that would be my hard…
Those things are hard, but I was prepared for most of them and we are doing it. I can’t wait for her to be out of her casts, but I know that this was necessary to see my baby girl walk and fix her hip dysplasia. Totally worth the hard!

But what makes me angry and makes me feel like God is so far away, when I know He is not,  makes me doubt when I know He is good and I know He is for us, makes me feel like someone just completely knocked every ounce of air out of my lungs…
is the information I received a week ago from the geneticist. Lucy physically fits the description for being born with a blood disorder called Fanconi Anemia. She has every single birth defect described for that blood disorder. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. It hearts so much I can’t talk about it aloud without breaking down. Only a blood test can reveal whether or not she is positive for it or not. We should receive test results in just a few weeks. There are many many things that could possibly happen to our sweet, amazing, precious gift from God baby girl if she has this blood disorder. Her bone marrow would basically stop working in the coming years and then we would be facing all the entails of that happening… (you can look it up to find out more, I just don’t want to speak it out loud at this moment). All I can do is hold my breath until those test results come in.


And all the while You hear each desperate plea and long that we’d have faith to believe. Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near? And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

My head knows these things. My whole life has been one Bible study, one Sunday School lesson, one conference, one sermon after the other of knowing what my Bible says and knowing who our God is and what He has done. I have done the hard with Lucy and we have been through our first year of our adoption… this is the time where we are embarking upon the one year mark and supposed to celebrate Lucy’s one whole year of being in our family and being our 4th child, our baby girl. This is a time to celebrate… Instead my heart is full of ache…

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win. We know that pain reminds this heart. That this is not, this is not our home. It’s not our home.

The adoption process takes so much and requires you to give up. But what you gain in return is bountiful Joy and fulfillment and a sweet blessing child. We have gained and lost friends. We had friends who just didn’t quite understand but came around later to the idea that we were adopting. We had family whose lives were changed because of this sweet Lucy girl that came into our lives. 
But this darkness of knowing that Lucy could be facing this awful reality… it makes me crumble. Makes me feel like I’m drowning… the only thing that keeps me afloat… Hope in knowing that this is not our home. It’s only temporary. My heart aches. It hurts. I cry daily. The waiting game is back. Now for results that would change our Lucy’s life. We thought we were over the hump of hard and now all she would have to look forward to is getting this big cast off in a few months and learning to walk, run, jump, and play. I know she will still do those things… and that day will be a glorious day!! That day is a day I simply cannot wait for… 

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life,
is the revealing of a greater thirst, this world can’t satisfy?

Disappointment is part of this life. I know that there are people everyday who experience disappointments. I know that there are so many people who know what the ache of this life can bring. I have seen many people experience that ache. The ache of death, losing children, losing parents, the ache of cancer, the ache of life changing so abruptly in their face, the ache of jobs lost, the ache of being far away from a spouse, the ache of long and drawn out battles over sickness, the ache of knowing there are millions who starve, millions who wait on their forever family… 
I’ve seen with my eyes what this hard life can bring. All this only brings a thirst, a great thirst that is only quenched by one thing… Jesus Christ. The ache brings a longing and desire deep in my soul. I have to let Jesus fill that up. No matter what the outcome, what the cost, what it takes, there is nothing that fulfills like Jesus. What the enemy tries to destroy and tries to tear down and what he tries to steal, Jesus fill up with life and abundance. I know in my head and my heart that I’m only safe in His arms. 

Trials. Blessings. Mercies. Hope. Faith. 

I beg God everyday that Lucy’s results come back negative. He knew that we would go through this. Even though it knocked the wind out of our lungs, He was not surprised. Psalm 139 tells me that He has known all this from the beginning. He is always there and is not going anywhere. He created our Lucy and knit her together in her mother’s womb and then chose us to be her parents. Wow, what a privilege!! Honored does not even begin to describe how I feel about being Lucy’s momma. He has knit our family together so amazingly and I pray He only makes us stronger. 

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This